in the mirror of my soul;

[menhulu]

[ it was only a matter of time before he was called to penacony, really. after everything that happened, he refused to sit idly on the express while his friends - his family - faced so much danger alone. dan heng is hardly arrogant enough to assume that his presence alone will make a vast difference, but.. should they need him, he wants to be there, however much the idea of traversing the dreams makes him feel a little uncomfortable.

dan heng, after all, has never enjoyed particularly pleasing dreams. instead they are a jumble of memories and feelings, most of which do not belong to him, and when they do, they are often mixed up with fear and pain, torture, fighting, running, fighting, running - it never ends.

after receiving his pardon from jing yuan, however, things have been a little easier. his dreams are no longer only nightmares, sometimes he dreams of warm, fond things, of the express, and the dear friends he has made there, and along their travels. sometimes when he dreams of the luofu, it's fond rather than painful, with images of bailu and jing yuan's smiling faces beside him, supportive and warm. things are getting better. there is always blade to contend with, but.. well. all things considered, dan heng feels as if great weights have been lifted from his chest.

so he steps into the dream pool with only the barest hesitation, lays back, and closes his eyes.

the golden hour is just as spectacular as he had expected that it would be. it's a little too loud and a little too busy for him to appreciate as much as others might (march), but he can still understand the appeal of a place like this. he finds for himself a quiet space at the edge, overlooking the theater, where he can enjoy a private dream bubble meant to be a peaceful field, but instead he finds himself.. in a small room. there are no doors, no furnishings, only a tall, ornate mirror set against one wall. hesitant, dan heng approaches, finding only his own reflection staring back at him.

yet it is not quite right. this reflection is taller. it stands straight, and elegant, and rather than his disguise, it his imbibitor lunae form - his true form - looking back at him. ]

Comments

[inexpiabile]

[When one's last memories are full of searing pain and smirking faces as you breathe your last... opening your eyes again isn't exactly in the list of possible futures. Yet that is precisely what Dan Feng does.

It's rather disorienting at first. He'd felt no different than he had those centuries before his imprisonment -- no different from a moment standing with his eyes closed as he simply listened to the sounds around him. A glimpse of himself as he glances downward reveals he's dressed simply as he would be in those days as well. There is no torn cloth, no fresh or dried blood.

It was truly strange to feel himself take a breath, or to feel the beating of his own heart. Certainly his surroundings weren't familiar... but nor were they quite realistically possible. If he were to compare it to anything familiar in his own life, it would be to the powers of the heliobi. This was rather unlikely, but the other option of a dream was just as much. The dead simply didn't dream.

Softly luminous green eyes are cast about the space -- rather small and with neither clear entrance nor signs of other occupants. The only thing in the room other than himself is a mirror. He couldn't see his reflection at this present angle, but with no further ideas of examining this odd place, Dan Feng eventually approaches the mirror.

... what faces him as he steps in front of it is sign enough that this was truly no ordinary space. On the other side stood someone... both familiar and not at the same time. As if he were connected somehow to the young man who gazed back at him. His eyes draw faintly more narrow -- yet completely with no negative intent.]

[menhulu]

[ those glowing eyes narrow, and dan heng feels his chest constrict. he looks down at his hands, and finds that he has changed, his clothing different, his hair long, draping heavy against his back - the imbibitor lunae. he looks up again, and the image is changed. his own face stares back at him, but there are differences.. differences in expression, in clothing, stature..

without a doubt, he knows exactly who he is facing. dan feng.

a chill runs down his spine, and dan heng turns away, hugging his arms to his chest, clutching at his upper arms. he exhales softly, the room suddenly cold, cold enough that his breath puffs in a shimmering cloud. ]

I cannot escape you even in dreams.

[ he says quietly, bowing his head, his shoulders hunched protectively. ]

I will never be free of you..

[inexpiabile]

[The changed appearance before him now... Dan Feng can understand why he seemed familiar. From what he could feel, to the now revealed appearance. It... was quite the distinctly odd feeling, seeing one's own reincarnation.

With how his own life had ended -- disgraced.. tortured.. by force... he can't truly begin to imagine what his reincarnation will have faced. He could recall the change to his sentencing -- eternal banishment once he'd been forced through molting rebirth. It had felt... wrong, the idea of banishing a brand new life, but that wasn't something he'd spared many thoughts for.

His reincarnation turned away now, Dan Feng lifts one hand -- brings fingertips only to touch the surface of the mirror. For all it remains solid between them, the surface ripples like water. Curious.. but that meant there was even further off about the mirror itself. The question really would be whether or not it truly was solid all the way through -- not that he'd any inclination to test the theory. Not now.

After a moment, he breathes a soft sigh -- lets his guard down. Certainly it wasn't ideal in such a strange place... but it was all that had felt right once the other's back turned.]

Were the decision mine, I'd not choose to haunt your steps.

[When he speaks, his quiet voice is simply tired. All of the loss and guilt he felt was as fresh as if he'd only just been imprisoned the day before. Certainly the depth of it all is kept from his expression, even having forced tensed muscles to ease... but the weariness was something he'd not be able to hold back. Certainly not after the last centuries of his life.]

[menhulu]

[ he does not expect an answer.. and certainly not that one. in his dreams, in his thoughts, dan feng has always been cold to him, imperious and unfeeling, chasing him as blade chases him.

a criminal who shows no remorse.. deserves no mercy.

dan heng is silent for several moments, his eyes closed and his brow drawn; how many times must he face his demons before they cease to plague him? perhaps always. dan feng's ghost will always haunt his steps, always pull him down into those cold, dark depths, it is something he can never escape. ]

The decision was yours. You damned me the moment you committed the unpardonable sin.

[ for all the insight that his memory-dreams have given him, he still does not entirely understand the sedition, why dan feng did what he did, all that occurred, for the high elder spoke to no one in the aftermath of his crimes, offered no reason for his motives, and blade is hardly a reliable source of information, fractured as his remaining memories are.

dan heng turns back again, his arms still tight to his torso, his gaze hard for a moment, before he sighs softly, and closes his eyes. ]

Why? Why did you do this to us?

[inexpiabile]

[For his part, Dan Feng remains silent when his reincarnation speaks once again. He didn't have the clearest picture of what had happened after his molting rebirth, but the words spoken certainly implies far more suffering than exile would be. It made no sense that they'd make new life suffer, no matter who he'd been previously. All crimes were to be left behind with the life that had committed them.

To say any of this would simply sound like he was making excuses. He'd been irredeemable the moment he'd made his decision, and certainly the last things he deserved would be understanding or forgiveness.

Palm rested lightly against the frame of the mirror when Dan Heng turns toward him again, Dan Feng doesn't avoid eye contact. He deserved far worse than the hard look directed to him briefly.]

I could say a good many things, yet you deserve more than excuses.

[The truth though... he'd never offered it to anyone. Yingxing had known, it was why he'd demanded to be brought along in the first place. That he should've refused was neither here nor there in the end. Still more excuses.]

Likely as it is that nothing I can tell you will be enough explanation... I'll still explain as best I can.

[Truly he couldn't be sure just how to explain the depth of his desperation, the agony of his guilt...]

I suppose... the catalyst that set the idea into motion was the loss of one of my dearest companions. She lost her life in her attempt to rescue me, lost as I'd been at the time.

[His voice is quiet as he speaks, tension in the line of his shoulders. This was still agony even now, but he doesn't dare drop his gaze... even with eyes full of crushing guilt and despair.]

The first thing I saw as I returned to myself... was Baiheng disappearing before my eyes. Losing her was the last thing I could stand. On top of concerns about the future of our people, I couldn't accept that she was gone... so I sought to bring her back, with the hopes of saving our people at the same time.

[He sighs, the sound heavier this time as if the words were dragging him down beneath their weight.]

Call it arrogance, idiocy, foolish hope... anything you'd like. I was a desperate fool with too much power at my hands to consider what would happen in the event I failed. Hadn't even considered failure as an option until it happened.

[menhulu]

[ dan feng does not know, of course - cannot know what occurred after the molting rebirth. how dan heng was chained and tortured for his previous incarnation's sins, how confused and frightened he had been, unable to understand why he was being punished, why he was trapped in this horrible place for something he could not remember doing. it made no sense to him, and he had suffered so terribly, never learning what it was like to feel a gentle, tender touch, to feel love and warmth. he knew only loneliness, and pain, and for so many long years he had resented dan feng and everything he stood for, for even after he was at last released from the shackling prison, he had still had nothing.

nothing but a crazed man dogging his every step, bent on killing him, destroying him utterly - the absolute wild hatred in blade's eyes.. it had always shaken him to the core. this is all that he had inherited from his predecessor. blood, pain, death, and loneliness. only the general had showed him kindness.

but now, dan heng has a home. he has people that he loves, people that love him in return. he has made his peace with the luofu, and with dan feng's lingering memories. so when this ghost of his past begins to explain.. dan heng listens. it certainly makes sense, based on what he knows of the sedition, and what the fragmented memories in his mind were able to tell, but this.. this all remains a dream. he is not hearing from dan feng, this is only echoes of his inner self picking at old wounds all over again.

perhaps dan feng had a gentle side, too. ]

There are so many people who despise me, because of you. Still more that want me to be you.

[ he whispers, lifting one hand to touch the mirror, feeling it ripple like cool water beneath his palm. ]

Imbibitor Lunae, you were a fool.

[ despite this proclamation, his voice is soft and gentle, dan feng's expression soft around the edges, but there can be no mistaking the vast sea of pain and sadness in his eyes. this may only be his own hopeful imaginings of what dan feng may have truly been like, yet still.. dan heng is not heartless. ]

But I.. know that there is little enough that I would not do for those I cherish.

[inexpiabile]

[He would never truly be able to imagine what any of it must feel like. Certainly there had been several who hated or resented him, the preceptors were quite opening antagonistic when it came to any choice he made... but to be despised for someone else's actions, to have people want someone other than Dan Heng. There's guilt he feels over what has happened, but he won't allow himself to drown in it. It would be too easy... but guilt would do nothing in the end.

A fool... his reincarnation had chosen a far kinder word than he felt he deserved, but those decisions weren't his to make.]

I... do sincerely hope that you never have to experience the death of any you hold dear.

[Even certain that his reincarnation would make better choices than he did -- even in the heat of the moment... the soft words are genuine. Still he sighs, voice soft.]

Centuries can bring one clarity... even if far too late.

[For someone painted by history as cold, decisive and confident, Dan Feng hesitates a moment.. before lifting his own hand from the frame of the mirror. He moves slow, deliberately giving Dan Heng time to reject the motion entirely, before his hand mirrors his reincarnation's.

... where the mirror had felt like cool water, here opposite Dan Heng's hand there is warmth.]

[menhulu]

[ it's difficult to be angry with dan feng, knowing why he had done what he had done, and yet the resentment is still there, for all the pain that he has endured due to his predecessor's folly. every story has two sides, sometimes even more, the the situation had been a painful, delicate one. for a long time, dan heng had had no friends, no family, no one close to him, but now that he has close companions, he can understand the fear and grief of losing them. the terror of that pain. ]

Even still.. your sins are not mine to forgive.

[ dan heng cannot absolve him of his guilt, he cannot bring back those who were lost that fateful day, nor comfort the families of those who were killed. he cannot heal dan feng's heart. only the man himself can do that.

but in the end, this is little more than an illusion.

their hands touch, and dan feng feels the warmth there as the mirror ripples, their fingers sliding together, weaving to knit, palms kissing. his eyes lift, meeting dan feng's, his expression softer this time, sympathetic, even if it is not in his power to forgive him. ]

[inexpiabile]

[After a moment, Dan Feng tips his head down only slightly, fringe fluttering so gently over his eyes -- not especially obscuring them as he allows them to close. This first time he allows himself to be the one to break eye contact, he huffs a soft breath. The very sound of it is... dull -- though not so for pity or sympathy. It had been centuries since he last truly had his spark of life.

He'd experienced so many dark feelings and thoughts throughout his imprisonment, and none would see the light of day.]

I don't know that I'd ever ask for forgiveness. If I were able to shoulder all of their hatred that they may heal, I would do so.

[Each word he speaks is soft... measured and resisting any desire to voice any of his emotions. He was quite practiced at that, by this point. If one could maintain composure during excruciating torture, then surely this would be simple.

It remained simple only as long as his eyes remain closed. After only a few breaths, he allows luminous green to open once more, lifts his head once again... The soft sympathy he can see in his reincarnation's eyes is almost too much for him to take. The twisting there in his chest was precisely the emotion he'd been avoiding when he'd not allowed himself to lift his eyes when Jing Yuan would visit him in the shackling prison.]

Still... I know that no matter my regrets and wishes, they can do nothing in the end.

[There's faint tension in his measured tone. The sympathy he could see... it was more difficult to take than he'd ever have expected.

Another something unexpected... was that the mirror didn't seem as solid where their hands met. There was no surface between their hands. If this were a dream, that could make some sense... but little about him dreaming once again made a considerable amount of sense as it stood.]

[menhulu]

[ dan heng shakes his head. ]

It is not so easy for wounds to heal.

[ if only it only took hatred and anger - but in truth, those things rarely help, and they do not bring closure. realistically speaking, there is nothing that either of them can really do in order to heal the hurts of those who felt betrayed that day, time alone is all that can bring peace. given how deeply the quintet cared for dan feng, and what dan heng knows about them, he does not feel that hating him brings them peace. it only aggravates old wounds.

their fingers curl together, and dan heng's luminous eyes lift to his predecessor's face again, green meeting green, his expression still soft. ]

But what is done is done. There can be no undoing the past, in the end, we can only move forward.

[ dan heng can only take each step ahead, however much the past wants to drag him back again and again, no matter how his dreams plague him, and blade haunts his steps. no matter how jing yuan, on occasion, looks at him as if he is seeing a ghost. ]

[inexpiabile]

[Certainly hatred and anger were only parts of the healing process... but they were the only emotions that can be vented truly at another person. The preceptors supervising his torture had made it a point to tell him just how many vidyadhara had died or disappeared at his hands. Perhaps they were the only ones he'd not give the satisfaction they sought.

The quintet were certainly another matter entirely. Baiheng gone, Yingxing... cursed because of him... Jingliu reaching the end of her days, and Jing Yuan -- ever the kindest and softest among them... truly what could he even give any of them that would even ease their pain a fraction.]

It is not. I know well that even one's death cannot bring peace to those left behind.

[He remembered Jingliu's words that day, as his confidence shattered... as his heart constricted... as Yingxing... and the abomination... "If your death can return everything to how it was, I would do it..." He hadn't died that day, in the moment that could solve nothing.

Dan Feng's fingers curl along with Dan Heng's almost as if an automatic reaction -- as if to join hands in this way were something familiar to him. Move forward... something only his reincarnation could truly do, of the two of them.]

I hope that someday in your future, you are able to leave me behind.

[From the tone of his voice, it was all too clear that he knew there was nothing to be done -- that any such hopes were worthless in the end. He could hope all he desired, and nothing in Dan Heng's present would change. For all he was... supposedly alive and locked in this place, all he had were sentiments. He could do nothing.]

[menhulu]

[ dan heng's eyes lower, for a moment. ]

I doubt that that will ever happen.

[ so long as those on the luofu continue to see him as dan feng, so long as he allows his own nightmares and dreams to overcome him.. can he possibly leave dan feng behind, ever? not to mention, the memories - their rebirth had been unclean, dan heng still possesses many of dan feng's memories, it's sometimes impossible to distinguish between himself and his past.

but perhaps carrying and remembering the past is not a terrible thing. he has learned much from dan feng's failures, though truth be told, were he to find himself in the same position.. would he do any differently? were it march who died for him, or stelle, or even himiko or welt - would he be able to control his grief? if he saw the chance to bring them back.. would he take it?

he doesn't know. he can't know.

at last, dan heng breathes deeply, then exhales hard, lifting his gaze to meet dan feng's again. ]

Nevertheless.. I should be moving on now. They're waiting for me.

[inexpiabile]

[Dan Feng could remember all too well the dreams he'd had of the previous high elders... and in truth he couldn't be certain just what it was his reincarnation was experiencing when molting rebirth at the very least was rarely documented in comparison to its much kinder counterpart. It was a fate reserved for prisoners who needed to be simply removed from the world entirely. On top of that, everything he'd done to earn his imprisonment could very well have made everything far worse.

There had been many regrets he'd shouldered as a result of his foolish arrogance. How much he'd withdrawn following Baiheng's death -- all the blame he placed firmly upon his own shoulders for needing assistance in the first place -- how only Yingxing had forced anything out of him at all. Jingliu had felt more distant from him following that battle than any time he could really recall, and Jing Yuan had been far too sweet and kind to demand why.

He'd become desperate in his grief... willpower to resist this insane idea ground down to nothing with Yingxing's support of the idea.

His reincarnation's eyes meeting his own is easily enough to draw him from that agony... and for all of the conflict and pain clear enough in the depths of his eyes, he gives Dan Heng a soft smile.]

I hope you are able to treasure every day with your cherished people.

[Over his imprisonment, he'd drilled the absolute certainty that he'd have no more such days... but he does desperately want his reincarnation to have what he could not. Wanted him to have everything Dan Feng had destroyed for himself.

In the end, his fingers lift from where they'd rested so comfortably between Dan Heng's -- though he doesn't pull back, not until the other withdraws.]

[menhulu]

[ maybe that means that dan feng had a gentle side, too.

bailu's words ring in his mind, and dan heng watches the reflection in the mirror for several moments, before he nods. he'd always assumed that there had to be more to dan feng than a cold and haughty exterior - how else would he have been so close with someone like jing yuan? with the rest of the quintet? yet seeing it for himself, after years of having it drilled into his head that dan feng was nothing more than a selfish, evil criminal, it's quite something to see it for himself.

but this is all a dream, anyway. perhaps this, like all of his other dreams, is meaningless, and only a reflection of his own thoughts regarding his predecessor. there's nothing more to think over on it, he believes. so after a moment spent regarding dan feng's face, he begins to withdraw, dropping his hand away from the reflection, fingers sliding free. ]

I will.

[ there is nothing more important than them, he thinks. perhaps dan feng once thought this of the quintet, as well. with a soft exhale, dan heng turns away and moves toward the door, toward the dream itself where he will find his friends waiting for him.

it isn't until much, much later, when dan heng finds himself awakening in the dream pool, that he realizes something is.. very different. ]

[inexpiabile]

[When his reincarnation's hand slips from his own, Dan Feng's returns idly to his side. Being given this moment, odd though it felt, had been... rather nice. He still carried pain and regret... guilt and shame weighed down his heart.. threatening to crush it entirely... but he'd been allowed to speak with someone directly harmed by his foolishness.

He'd finally been able to allow himself to tell his story. Whether or not Dan Heng remembered this meeting in the end, well... it was out of his hands.

Watching Dan Heng disappear behind the door had been the last thing he'd expected to see. He'd expected this odd place to fade away to the nothingness that had awaited him following molting rebirth.

No. He was simply in this space, now alone. The mirror he'd seen the other through had simply turned into a normal mirror, his tired face reflected back at him before he turns from it.

Dan Feng simply isn't certain how long he's in the strange, small space. As it had been when he first awoke here, the room had no visible entrance, no way for him to leave. Nothing for him to do other than simply wait for the nothingness to take him once more.

He's settled himself on the floor against the wall across the room from the mirror by the time his surroundings suddenly begin to feel... fuzzy. He blinks open closed eyes.. and sure enough, his vision is slowly fading away. Well.. this had been somewhat worthwhile as long as it had lasted. Had it only been a few hours? In the end, he couldn't tell and it simply didn't matter. Surely the awareness he'd been mysteriously gifted would be taken back now, and he would once again cease to be.

... but that isn't what happens.

Dan Feng can tell that his body -- which he should not have -- is differently from how he'd sat there against the wall. The flickers of awareness were slow to return, but they shouldn't have returned at all. He can feel his heart beating, feel himself breathing. He can feel warmth at his side.

There's a telltale tremble of exhaustion to the brief sigh he breathes as hazy yet luminous green eyes slowly open.]

[menhulu]

[ it only takes dan heng a brief moment to realize that he is not alone in the dream pool. there is warmth and solidity beside him, something - someone - curled up against his side as they lay together in the pool is a body, someone tall and slim..

dan heng's eyes snap open.

immediately, he's sitting up, the liquid in the pool sloshing nearly over the side of the shell tub as he moves quickly, settling eyes upon his new poolmate - dan feng. his heart drops into his stomach. how is this possible? the dan feng he had encountered in the dreamscape.. surely it had only been a product of his own mind, as his dreams and thoughts often are, but this is - this is the physical world, now, he has left the dreamscape behind. dan feng is real and whole and solid beside him.

dan heng knows many things. he's a researcher, an archivist, and he has certainly studied penacony and its dream worlds, but.. he certainly never came across any stories or evidence where anything - anyone - came across the veil into reality. there has to be another explanation. this cannot be dan feng. leaping from the water, dan heng tenses, flexing his spear hand, though he does not call it to him just yet. ]

Explain yourself.

[inexpiabile]

[Dan Feng doesn't react all that much when Dan Heng moves at his side -- when his reincarnation puts distance between them immediately, on his feet and tense before him. Everything still felt wrong. Though he knew himself to be unharmed at the moment, something so unfamiliar to any recent memory, the phantoms of past pain lingered. Every breath, every beat of his heart, all of it hurt.. and he could still feel the way those nails had pierced his body... he could still feel the torture he endured as if it had only recently happened.

The echoes of past pain, the disorientation and discomfort of living when one had long since ceased to be, all of it is clear as glass in his luminous eyes, even as he raises them to his reincarnation's face at Dan Heng's demand.

So slowly he lifts both of his hands from beneath the liquid's surface, the very motion weary as his palms face out -- a clear and exhausted surrender.]

There is no explanation I can offer you..

[Dan Feng's voice is rough from disuse, and he takes a slow breath while attempting to further blink the haze away from his eyes. A moment passes before he slowly gestures with one of his hands toward the edge of the dream pool -- an edge distant enough from Dan Heng as to give him space even if he's allowed to stand. He'd surrendered, willingly allowed the advantage to remain fully in Dan Heng's hands... but he still preferred to stand.]

Any guess I could give you would be no better than any of your own.

[Awareness is starting to break through the haze, but it remains quite clear that being returned to life is not so simple a process as rebirth. Truly he isn't even certain he can stand even if he's allowed to, but that's an issue to consider if, and only if, Dan Heng agrees to his silent request.]

[menhulu]

[ dan heng's heart is pounding, his throat tight. penacony was meant to be the land of sweet dreams, but this.. this is a nightmare. being faced with his past like this - what is he meant to do? how is he meant to feel? dan feng should no longer exist, for his body is right here, no longer his, but now dan heng's. even their soul is the same. so then, what is this..?

it would seem that dan feng has no desire to attack him, which certainly makes sense.. why would he? even still, this feels so deeply wrong, dan heng is discomfited. ]

What do you remember?

[ straightening up, dan heng curls his fists at his sides, and does not call upon cloud piercer, but he remains tense all the same. ]

Before this, where were you? What can you recall?

[ this is probably pointless. what does he think dan feng will know? nothing, likely, if the look of bewilderment on his face is genuine, but.. for all that dan feng had sinned, he had never been known to be a liar. ]

[inexpiabile]

[When Dan Feng moves, he does so slowly enough as to not be a threat, one of his hands resting upon the edge of the dream pool... but he makes no moves otherwise. Even exhausted and hazy as he felt, he could read quite a lot in Dan Heng's tension. He has no interest in presenting himself as a potential threat.

Control over their situation -- at least how it progressed from this point on -- was fully in Dan Heng's hands.]

I remember the shackling prison.

[The words are soft, but the weight there is certainly enough to imply that he recalls the entirety of his imprisonment and torture.]

I remember what it felt like to die. After that... from nothingness to a room without a door. To a mirror...

[He shakes his head minutely -- even that small motion prickling at the phantom pains he could feel throughout his body.]

I remember speaking with you, being alone once more... nothingness again, before waking here.

[The clarity had finally managed to reclaim bright eyes, even as he never shifts his gaze away from his reincarnation. Dan Feng couldn't be sure how much of what he recalled between his death and waking here had actually happened... but as Dan Heng had asked what he could recall, there was no point in withholding information.]

[menhulu]

[ surely this must still be a dream. how can it be anything but? dan feng no longer exists, but lives on only through his new incarnation..

what will he do from here? dan feng explains, and dan heng listens silently, his lips pressing together, his brow pinched tightly as he turns the words over and over again in his mind. the memoria in penacony is thick and plentiful, is it possible that this vision is perhaps some sort of memetic entity, and not dan feng at all? something perhaps born of dan heng's own anxieties and shortcomings? that seems the more sensible possibility..

.. yet he is dan heng's responsibility, regardless, from this point forward. ]

Mm..

[ he hums softly, the tense line of his shoulders beginning to soften. whether dan feng is truly dan feng, or simply a creature born of memoria and dan heng's shattered memories, he cannot remain here. after a moment's thought, he offers a hand down, to help dan feng to his feet. though he does not say as much, it is a gesture of peace. ]

We need to return to the Express.

[inexpiabile]

[The odd pain that had accompanied every breath -- every beat of his heart has faded finally to a dull ache by the time Dan Heng offers him a hand. Dan Feng's gaze flits down to the offered hand for only a brief moment before he accepts the offered assistance, eyes lifted once more to meet his reincarnation's gaze as he stands and exits the dream pool.

He's rather remarkably steady on his feet, considering just how strange he felt being once more alive... but even with that, Dan Feng does make a conscious effort to not appear to be a threat. The last thing he desired in all of this was conflict. He'd easily caused more than enough pain for his reincarnation... for those he cared about...]

Very well, feel free to lead the way. [He pauses for a moment, gaze shifted briefly toward the door before returning once more to Dan Heng.] I have no intention of trying to slip away.

[If one didn't trust the person they were to guide, surely the thought they would attempt to leave in a moment of distraction was logical. He had no reason to do so of course -- he was unfamiliar with just where they were, to depart on his own would be foolish and he'd been quite foolish enough in the past to last several lifetimes. In the end, he would simply have to rely on Dan Heng. That suited him for the moment.]

[menhulu]

[ leading dan feng out of the hotel is no easy task - it's a slim chance, but there's still the possibility that he will be recognized, so in the end, dan heng asks him to weave a disguise from cloudhymn to better be able to lead him out, and toward the space anchor that will take them to the express.

for a blessing, the parlor car is empty, pom pom perhaps resting, or seeing to their duties elsewhere on the express, and dan heng releases a breath. ]

I'll explain to the others soon enough, once I.. have my head on straight.

[ it's still so surreal to have dan feng beside him, the man he has seen in countless dreams, the man he has been in endless chilly, fractured memories. numbly, he leads dan feng away from the parlor car and into the sleeper cars, where the crewmembers all keep their rooms. dan heng sleeps in the archives, but he does have a room of his own, unused though it is, and it's to that room that he leads dan feng. it's clean and tidy, and looks unlived in, save for a single book on the nightstand. ]

For now.. you can stay here.

[inexpiabile]

[While trusting others wasn't necessarily something that came to him easily, it's rather easy for Dan Feng to trust Dan Heng's judgments. Especially considering how unfamiliar this place is to him. It's quite simple for him to weave a disguise of his own, settling for short, dark hair and delicate features reminiscent of his appearance as a child. As Dan Heng had done as well, his disguise is quite clearly that of a human. The attire chosen is rather simple -- his own garments were quite distinct after all -- and the only looks he receives on their way... well, they seem drawn to his face. No recognition, and nothing more than simple attraction.

The journey to the Express proper is rather uneventful, though he does notice and appreciate the style in the parlor car -- a style that carries over to the sleeper cars.]

I'll stay out of the way as long as you require.

[In the end, it would be easier to allow Dan Heng to control the flow of information considering the situation they found themselves in. In any case, a stranger aboard the Express without one of the Nameless accompanying them would likely make things far more difficult.

Dan Feng maintains the disguise he'd woven until he's inside of the room he's brought to. He knew he could maintain it without effort should Dan Heng or the others require it of him, but for now... well, he would rather appear to be himself. At least for now.

How unused the room looks is certainly not lost on him, and he makes note of the book on the nightstand as he makes his way to the window, gaze out upon the stars. There were many facts he simply didn't have, when it came to the situation they'd found themselves in. After a breath or two he does turn back, still appearing near as weary as he had when they'd awoken side by side.]

I do appreciate your consideration.

[The words are soft, but they are genuine. Truly many things could've happened that simply hadn't come to pass. He could've been left there to figure out how to get anywhere else... though he didn't expect it of his reincarnation, the fact of the matter is that he could've simply been killed. That would save quite considerable trouble, in the end.]

[menhulu]

[ now that they are back on the express, now that dan heng doesn't need to keep his stoic, spine-straight demeanor quite so stiffly balanced, he feels himself beginning to cave in. how is he going to deal with this? nevermind the logistics of someone like dan feng being around again, how will dan heng, personally, manage his heart and mind?

this man before him has haunted him from the moment he first opened his eyes to the world. dan feng has dogged his every footstep in some form for his entire life. he'd dreamed of this man's memories from the moment of his birth, he'd been punished, tortured, imprisoned for his crimes, and even once he was released, there had been no freedom from it. blade chased him across the stars. his banishment from the luofu kept him away from his homeland.

even now, with his banishment revoked.. the shards of the past will not let him rest. blade and jingliu, the preceptors, the vidyadhara, the people of the luofu - all of them see dan feng when they look at him, all of them hear dan feng when he speaks. jing yuan has become the only exception. dan heng has fought so hard for his identity, wrestles with himself over it every night, and now the subject of his torment and nightmares is here, in the flesh, right before him. one more responsibility for dan heng to carry. one more reminder of the past that was not his, yet that he must still pay for in his own blood and tears.

just how all of this pressure has not broken him is anyone's guess. ]

I suppose.. you should try to get some rest, for now. I can show you to the dining car once you're feeling hungry, but everything you should need will be here.

[ a bed, a bathroom, a desk, the view to the cosmos, even a book on interstellar histories. dan heng supposes that.. he will soon need a phone as well. he will have so much to learn, to catch up on. and in the end, what will dan heng do with him? turn him back over to the xianzhou? he simply does not know. this is something that he will need to think and sleep on, something he will need to consult his crewmates with. ]

Is that acceptable?

[inexpiabile]

[I cannot escape you even in dreams his reincarnation had said to him in that strange room... I will never be free of you..

They'd awoken next to one another... his reincarnation had been proven correct, regardless of whether or not Dan Feng wanted Dan Heng's freedom. In truth, no matter what direction this odd situation turned, he knew there was likely nothing that could free his reincarnation from the shadow of Dan Feng's life.

For all that he was leaving his fate in the end in Dan Heng's hands, there was still quite a lot for him to think about. One would think he spent quite enough time thinking, considering it was really all he could do to keep himself sane those centuries in the shackling prison.

Even with all of this on his mind, there is no distance in his eyes and Dan Feng really does take in everything Dan Heng says to him. Truly it's more consideration than he'd have expected, especially considering how much distress this seemed to cause his reincarnation. In the end, he simply nods and his voice is quiet when he speaks.]

It is. [A brief pause, gaze returned to the window where he could see Dan Heng's reflection.] I suppose I'll do as you suggest, for now.

[In general, likely... but with whirling thoughts he didn't really expect to sleep for a good while yet. With luck, the book could be read as a sort of distraction -- perhaps even enough of one to allow him to sleep.]